Scofield Idehen

9th Jun 2018


During my final year at the university of Benin, we were writing our final exams and as such; everyone was preparing in their different ways.

While some were reading and studying, some were preparing missiles, bombs, chukuli, mother Mary and pocket launchers.

 I was not exactly a saint then, I belonged to the light weight category - which includes little piece of paper, and writing on our palms.

Some dare-devils would go for the heavy weight, which include textbook and full course materials.

On this particular day we were writing ISD 422, a rather complex subject.

Many spillover students (You know all those old papa's that just refuse to graduate) were joining us for this particular paper, and so the security was very tight.

I managed to enter the hall with my little rocket launcher, I was smiling and feeling happy with my luck, when my eyes popped! As I saw the guy in front of me sitting on top the ATOMIC BOMB!

He was practically sitting on top of a full text book and two different course materials.

No one has ever succeeded in this daring act, how he even manage to smuggle these weapons of mass destruction inside the hall; was a mystery.

Beacuse of the malicous contents on his chair he was slightly higher than his sit mates and his buttock could not properly cover the entire textbook.

He was a smart guy, he prepared very well. He wore a big shirt which in the Warri slang is called, 'Starchy' (a strongly strached and ironed shirt that is stiffly and bogously flying around - sometimes, mostly used by cult boys to conceal their weapons).

The exam started, we began writing, but this idiot started raising his right yansh (buttock) since he needed to explore the different chapters of his textbook for answers. But due to the fact that it was hard to change or navigate from chapter to  chapter, he was nearly standing up while leafing through the text book and sometimes course handout.

I wonder if the devil was telling him he was invisible, as he was doing it without the slightest regard. I guess desperation is the mother of stupidity, and stupidity was a senior relative of this idiot in my front.

A lecturer standing behind, saw his erratic movements, and walked up to him. The lecturer knowing the environment surrounding this guy was not natural, then asked him to stand up - now those Nigerian movie sound track that usually plays when a wife is about to catch a cheating  husband began to Ghan-Ghan and start playing.

The missile carrier knowing the game was almost over; started speaking incoherently and mumbling some things. I guess he was trying to communicate with his native doctor, but it seemed the network line to baba was having network problem. Mr Rambo the missile launcher was going to face this music alone.

Suddenly, the idiot started shifting on his chair while still mumbling, only for him to stand up - low and behold, the text book and materials had mysteriously disappeared…….!!

If I hear………….

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